Come talk to me, promise I won't bite. Hard.
- Details
- Category: Blogs
- Published on Wednesday, 29 February 2012 21:29
- Written by Bianca
One of the things about going to any Lifestyle event that Matt & I comment on every single time are the people. We have met the most interesting, normal, fun and genuinely nice people. It is very rare we run into people who are rude. Everyone seems so happy all the time. I mean I get it that you are at an event, it's usually fun, there is music and dancing and drinking and ummm you are most likely going to get laid (unless your plan is to sit back and watch which is not totally uncommon) it's hard not to have a smile on your face and be friendly.
The honesty everyone has is refreshing as well. It is well known in the community that you should be honest. If you are not interested in someone it is better to decline nicely then to string them along or give them false hope. But that doesn't mean you can't talk to people and get to know them.
As Matt & I notch the months we have been in the Lifestyle on our bedpost (haven't even hit the year mark yet, but going strong!) we yearn for friends within the community. We are tired of vanilla friends. One of my acquaintances said once that cleavage was only for your husband, no one else (she was commenting on a revealing shirt she had seen someone in, wonder if it was me?!), and since I am "still in the closet" I couldn't respond the way I wanted to by saying something like, too bad cause you look like you have a nice rack! Smile, share, enjoy! We are only here for a short amount of time, why not make the best of it and be as happy and feel as loved as you can in this short lifetime.
So as you can tell Matt & I crave friends where I am not judged for showing off the girls, where we can talk about sex without the other couple blushing. I feel like others out there have to feel the same. They want to have sex (lots and lots of sex) but they also want to make friends.
I used to be a pretty shy person, who has recently come out of my shell. Sometimes the most difficult thing about going to an event is talking to people. Coming up with a conversation, something to say, or just being brave enough to introduce yourself is hard. But I have found that every time I do go up to someone and talk to them I never regret it. We may click, we may not but at least I tried.
My only complaint is that a lot of people in the Lifestyle are uncomfortable talking about themselves. They don't necessarily want to talk about what they do for a living in fear that someone will find out they are a swinger. Few people really talks about kids, probably because that isn't really sexy. Hobbies can take you pretty far if it is one that you share with the person you are conversing with. Talk to me about golf and I glaze over, only because I know nothing about it. Though I will ask questions and listen to what you have to say, but it really will only go so far since I have nothing to add to the conversation.
A few ways Matt & I have tried to start a conversation: compliment the lady about something. She most likely has fabulous shoes on or an amazingly sexy dress. Ask her where she got it or just tell her she has great style. That will open up a conversation and hopefully lead to other topics. If not, oh well at least you made her feel good about her sexy dress. Sometimes men have trouble starting conversations and rely on their other half to take the reins. Another conversation starter could be to ask what they are drinking, this will also lead a conversation. My hubby likes brightly colored blended drinks. He has had women come up to him and ask what he is drinking, then a lot of the time they ask for a sip, and he is always happy to oblige. He has thought of asking for more manly looking drinks but gin & tonic looks like sprite where as a neon blue drink looks so interesting you need to know what it is. See, instant conversation starter!
Don't be afraid to go up to anyone and start a conversation. Especially if they are standing on their own. Even if you just go up to them with a bold "Hi, I'm Bianca, pretty fun party right?" "How long have you been in the Lifestyle?" From my experience everyone is friends and wants to talk to everyone. So get over it and start a conversation today!
